The Mormon Coon – 1905
A coon named Ephraim skipped the town one day.
Nobody knew just why he went away,
Until one night a friend he got a note,
It was from Eph. and this is what he wrote:
“I’m out in Utah, in the Mormon land,
And going to stay, because I’m living grand,
I used to rave about a single life.
Now ev’ry day I get a brand new wife.”
“I’ve got a big brunette,
And a blonde to pet.
I’ve got ‘em short, fat, thin and tall …
I’ve got a Cuban gal,
And a Zulu pal.
They come in bunches when I call;
And that’s not all –
I’ve got ‘em pretty, too.
Got a homely few,
I’ve got ‘em black to octoroon …
I can spare six or eight.
Shall I ship ‘em by freight?
For I am the Mormon coon.”
There’s one gal I ain’t married yet, but say,
I’m saving her up for a rainy day.
If you ain’t never heard a cyclone roar,
Come up and hear just how my wives can snore.
If you stay out late you can “con” your wife.
If I got gay that mob would have my life,
It keeps me hustling in loving line.
They all yell out, “I saw him first, he’s mine.”
Next Fall they’ll make me Gov’nor of the State;
The Parsons give me commutation rate;
I wish for ev’ry wife I had a cent,
Why, just for photographs, a house I rent.
I’ve got so many, I forget a lot.
I keep the marriage license door bell hot,
If on the street into a wife I run,
I have to ask her, “What’s your number, Hon?”